I knew tonight would be different. I put my daughter down (my son is at his dad's) for the night and I stared at her. I stared at her hair and took in every blend of color. She smelled so sweet. Just the way a 15 month old is supposed to. There is such... Continue Reading →
One day of rest isn't going to do shit. It's not going to make me feel better. It's not going to make me any less tired. It's not going to be a miracle cure and take away my BPD, depression and anxiety. That's not how it works.
You could literally be the sweetest person ever. You could have done a complete 180. You could have saved a life. Some people just won't give a shit.
I don't think it's the tone he says it in or the 397th time I've heard it that makes the bell in my head ring, I just think that every single day I'm some place different in life than I ever have been before.
And it may take the coffee not being made correctly for me to finally break down. It's not that I'm making a mountain out of a molehill, as my mom used to say, it's that it's a molehill on top of a mountain and I just can't wrap my head around anything else, as simple or small as it may be. So next time somebody makes a big deal out of something "small" or has a breakdown over losing a sharpie, it's most likely due to something much bigger.
If your depression or anxiety is affecting your work, then get help. Easier said than done. I know, I know. But getting help is key. If you don't try to make a change, nothing is going to change. Once you start on your road to recovery, things will start to fall into place, and you'll wonder why you didn't do it sooner.