Some Days it Feels as Though the World Doesn’t Want me Here

I’ve had a rough couple of days. I feel consumed by this frustration, fear, confusion and sadness. Some days I really do feel as though the world is out to get me. Before you say “yeah, yeah you and everyone else”, just realize that is extremely dismissive. Yes, some people have it much worse than I, some also have it much better than I. But that doesn’t matter because I am still feeling as I do. I have a right to feel what I do.

I’m just having a really rough time right now and I don’t understand how this happened. Just three days ago my husband told me I was glowing and now I’m laying here crying, wanting to just fall asleep and never wake up. I know, death is a permanent solution to a temporary problem, but the temporary problems don’t go away and there are always more temporary problems around the corner.

I thought that good always overcame evil. But it doesn’t feel that way right now. I’ve been fighting for so long. And I am so tired. The world is so sad. It’s hard to focus on the good things when the bad things are seen more often. In society, it’s so much more common to see negative news than positive. Whether you choose to believe it or not, everything you see subconsciously effects you in some way.

Too much that I have come across lately has been negative. There have been a lot of little, daily occurrences that are constantly adding on to my already over-flowing pile of stress. It’s hard enough just to make it through life as it is, without any other complications thrown into the mix. I’m facing problems with our community in which we live, driving (others are crazy reckless), past-due bills, health problems, etc…

I’m very aware that literally everyone on this planet faces challenges and adversity at some point in their lives. But sometimes it just feels like the world doesn’t want me here. Simple tasks like driving and grocery shopping always seem to lead to a stressful event.

For example when I went to the store to buy something listed on their site, upon trying to check out I was told that they would not honor the price on the website. To me this was wrong. Eventually I got the price but was treated like crap and will never be back. And then driving home from my therapy appointment, minding my own business, going the speed limit in the left lane on the freeway. Then with no blinker or warning, and so suddenly that my car swerved and the brakes locked up, this guy got into my lane in front of me maybe going 30mph less than me. When I tried to go around in the other lane he blocked me. Like I didnt do anything wrong and I don’t understand why all these stupid things happen everytime I try to do something simple. It’s frustrating and frankly makes me want to be a hermit. I filed a police report on the guy and complained to the owner of the store about my experience, but I don’t feel any better.

Despite what some may think, I hate complaining. But I feel as though so many injustices happen to me and/or my family on a daily basis that I feel like I’m complaining every day about something. And 95% of the time, reporting or complaining or writing a bad review does absolutely nothing. And it’s not fair.

I feel like I and my husband have to work so freaking hard just to stay afloat, not even get ahead. It’s exhausting and it’s a constant uphill battle. Corporations don’t care about a single, individual person. They only care about the bottom line – profit. It’s sad that our society has come to value money more than peoples’ health or other’s well-being.

I understand that there are people out there to fight the big, bad guys. Lawyers, advocates, congressmen, judges, etc. They have the readily-available resources to make a change. (They also have money.) The general public does not. And trying to get through someone “higher up” or a lawyer to help you out at a reasonable cost, is essentially impossible.

I wish the world didn’t make it so hard for good to overcome evil. I wish that good people got the chances they deserve to get ahead. Everyone deserves opportunities to improve their life and for some people that never comes, for whatever reason. We should want others to succeed and we should help them do it if we can, because we’d want someone to help us too.

-CJ

Photo credit: here

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2 thoughts on “Some Days it Feels as Though the World Doesn’t Want me Here

Add yours

  1. I’m sorry that things are so hard. 😦 I can relate to this so much, and often feel the same way. It’s as if no matter how hard a person tries, things keep going wrong. Just can’t get a break.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes, I feel like that every day. Just always somethin! I struggle to remind myself that there are a lot of things I need to be grateful for as well. Yes it seems like things are constantly going wrong but at the same time there are a lot of things going right, I just dont notice them as much because they are daily occurrences (i.e. running and clean water, healthy kids, roof over our heads, loving husband, etc). Its hard to find a balance lol

      Liked by 1 person

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